i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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