I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize