are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
