Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
