We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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