girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
