We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
