look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
