Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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