oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
