So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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