i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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