the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There are leaves in my underwear?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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