I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize