I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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