I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
