Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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