There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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