sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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