Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
