Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
