anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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