hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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