I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
