Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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