Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
