Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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