I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
