I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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