on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
