dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
