Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize