You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
