I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
