you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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