it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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