My liver just broke up with me...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
