i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
