Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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