She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
