Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
