Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
