I wish I could teleport
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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