i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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