woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
