I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
