dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
