I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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