My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
