She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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