I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
