you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
