Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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