was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
