i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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