I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
