Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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