the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
