We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
