This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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