Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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