her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize