we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
