you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
