i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
