we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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