Tell her she can't have a vagina
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
