Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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