i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
