somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
