I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
