By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
