She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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