I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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