Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
