when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
