3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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