Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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