I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
